AutumnSlamn was a wild ride ladies and gentlemen! It kicked off with Chuck McMahon and Uncle Eddie running down the card. Soon after, Chugger Deets tried to conduct an interview with UCBW Intercontinental Heavyweight Champion of the World Transit Cop.
The PPV took an disturbing turn when the incredibly creepy Beauty School introducing their latest student, the now Bloodless Mary. The four of them did a very weird and scary dance. After this, three MORE women in Beauty School masks entered. However, the three new ladies revealed themselves to be The Teeny Bopper, Tomboy, and The Queen of Cheese! Very quickly it became clear that this bout was less about who got the W, and more about the mental well-being of the UCBW Women’s Champion, with QoC and Tomboy’s offense on Mary focusing on reminding her who she really was. It was one of the weirder matches in UCBW, as somehow Mademoiselle Cosmo-Vogue managed to make everyone in the match join in on Beauty School’s incredibly eerie ballet. Eventually, it turned into an all out war. When the dust settled, the Beauty School retreated as Teeny Bopper gave birth live on stage while Bloody Mary got her period again. This marks the 2nd time a live birth has taken place during a UCBW PPV.
Next was the UCBW Hardcore Title match of Old Fishstix, the champ, defending his title against the disgusting vile BEDBUG! And, boy, did this live up to the name of HARDCORE! Bedsheets, flags, steel chairs, nets, tables, a ship’s wheel, a fishing pole, and a pillow were all used in this hot match! Things looked bleak for Fishstix when Bedbug used his infestation and brought in his insect minions, two fellow bedbugs and CHIKARA’s Fire Ant. But the hardcore champion managed not only to survive, but throw them all overboard! And then pick up the win with an absolutely crazy elbow drop through a table for the three!
Next we saw another dangerous contest: the Contract In A Fanny Pack Stepladder Match! 7 of UCBW’s newest MegaStars (Fancy Lad, Vance Deferens, Party Pete, The Babymaker, The Orphan, Justin Time and Laundry Matt) and one veteran (Panda) risked their lives for a chance at immortality! Temporary friendships made, and then broken. Laundry Matt hit a seven man Spin Cycle, Vance Deferens got his balls caught in the ladder, and the audience lost their minds! Especially when it looked like Panda was going to win, only to grab a bamboo stick from the ceiling! Even more so when UCBW Junior Official, Ref Tarzan got so caught up in the action that he pushed Justin Time off the stepladder and retrieved the Fanny Pack himself before reality set in that he was not a participant and tied the Fanny Pack back up. Eventually, Party Pete hit his signature dive, Body Shots, OFF THE STEPLADDER!!! As he climbed back up for the contract, Justin Time froze time, removed Party Pete, and got the Fanny Pack. But in a shocking turn of events, Time realized he hadn’t earned the victory, tied the Fanny Pack back up, put Party Pete on the ladder and let this timeline live on. Party Pete is Mr. Contract In A Fanny Pack!
A brand new Megastar who trained in Smokey Mountain Wrestling, Froot Boots, issued an open challenge to any 3 Audience Members. The prize of this challenge was not only glory, but his $10,000 Rollerblades. The same rollerblades on which Froot Boots had been train in the arts of karate, ju jitsu, grappling and “some stuff you haven’t even heard of.” Starting off on the wrong foot, Froot Boots tripped and the audience members pounced, beating him up, tea-bagging him, defecating on him, sodomizing him with a gord and ultimately stealing his rollerblades. Afterwards, Froot Boots cried as he was forced to eat the shit.
In attendance for the next contest was the legendary Bang Family: Stu, Helen, Ramone, Bruce, Keiran, and Smith. All of whom, besides Helen, were firmly in the corner of Preston in the Loser Leaves Town match between the former two-time UCBW Tag Team champions, The Bang Bros. Helen simply didn’t want her sons fighting each other at all. But that didn’t stop Shaggy from kicking his kin square in the dick or choking him out with their own mother’s pearl necklace. At one point, things broke down and the other Bang brothers got involved in the match, wherein Keiran and Smith ended up having to have sex with each other for money and poor Bruce Bang took a goddamn disgusting 69 Driver from Shaggy. The end of the match saw Preston and Shaggy laid out, calling for a fluffer, who showed up and teased both men as well as the audience by slowly revealing who’s side she was on; Shaggy’s! At this point, Helen had seen enough and GOT UP FROM HER WHEELCHAIR to make this “young hussy” fluff Preston as well. She begrudgingly obliged, the took a swing at Helen only to get a Cherry Popper and a spanking. The rest of the Bang Family touched themselves watching this happen, not realizing that Ref Robot Riley was counting to 10 while Preston and Shaggy were on the ground. He reached 10 and both men lost, meaning they BOTH have to leave town. They were all disappointed and shocked and then a plastic bag blew onstage to open the eyes of the Bangs to a whole new world of beauty. They patched things up and followed the bag off into the sunset.
The main event saw Transit Cop put up the UCBW World Heavyweight Intercontinental Championship of the World up against, the former champion, “The Manly Man” Randy Manly. Manly put up a hell of a fight, until an accidental flash from UCBW photographer Arin blinded both Manly and Referee Riley. Seeing an opening, Transit Cop called for backup: BEDBUG! Bedbug sucked the blood out of Manly, and a weakened Manly could not resist the offer of a Jack Link’s Beef Jerky Stick, which was ACTUALLY EBOLA. Transit Cop hit the sickly Manly Man with the Last Stop DDT and got the three, retaining his title.
Then Riley smashed a pumpkin.